I’m Hiding, Come Find Me!

writing1 I have an announcement to make. I am taking a writing course. Yes, you heard that right! I know many of you are thrilled to hear that! There is hope, I might get better. I have just completed my third assignment and since it affects you, dear reader, I am posting it here. It was fun, it was a little different, and it was revealing. The assignment was to write about something that bothers me about myself and to write it for myself. We had just heard a message on being transparent so here is my rough draft about that. Keep in mind that this was to be written as if no one would ever see it, and then, our teacher, Jeff’s final words were, “Now, share it.” Such is life.

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I do not want to be transparent. This lesson is on being transparent and I don’t want to be transparent. I’m not sure I even know how to be transparent. To make matters worse a friend I had invited to critique my work said, “You might consider being more transparent.” Thank you, friend, but I don’t want to be transparent. I would like very much to talk about your problems and tell you what to do about them. I can easily see what you need to do, and I am sure you will be a much more successful and happy person if you will just listen to me and do what I say, but let’s don’t talk about me. Yes, I may have failures and shortcomings and idiosyncrasies, but let’s talk about you and yours. Okay? Good, now what else do you want to talk about? That was me running from being transparent.
I am being transparent about not wanting to be transparent. Here’s more transparency: Now I am afraid my little paragraph is too short, and no one will comment on it, but that is okay because I’m writing for myself, and it was news to me today that I need to be transparent. I am beginning to see that I have been hiding. I don’t want anyone to see my imperfections, failures, and inadequacies. I look through rose-colored glasses, always looking for the good in others, and so I do the same for myself. I see the best in me, but now I’m hearing that you sometimes might need to see the worst in me. My message has been that we should focus on what we want, not on what we don’t want, and I am very good at that. It really does work for me, but I am today realizing that folks need to know that I have had struggles and pain, and weakness and I constantly deal with missing the mark. I write encouraging words because I need them. I really do want to help people, and because I really do I will try to be real, and to admit my struggles more and be specific in how God’s principles have worked and are working in my life. This is a good thing. So what do you want to know. I’m an open book. If you’ve ever had trouble being transparent, please tell me, and tell me how you overcame it. I think that’s the whole point, and I can do this, can’t I?

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My good friend who advised me on transparency was right, and I appreciated the other kind and helpful things she had to share. One of our advisers also gave me feedback which shed a whole new light on my dilemma. She pointed out that being transparent “doesn’t mean I have to show you all my flaws.” She said that being transparent doesn’t mean just dealing with negative stuff. “Victory stories are worth hearing instead of being a victim. Just the short time I have read your posts, I think you are called to share joy, so keep sharing how that works in your faith journey through trials and triumphs and I think you are being transparent. Another word I could use interchangeably is ‘authentic.’ You are a real person, with a real life. Spread your joy even when you don’t FEEL happy.”

Now that’s more good advice. Stay on board, this writer is being stretched and, hopefully, more pliable in the hands of my heavenly Father so that I can be real and help others in some way to be all they can be in this fascinating adventure called life.

Have a great day!